Interview with Sandy Moon & John Willoughby

Interview of Sandy Moon and John Willoughby by Karin Forno, 11/25/2020

If you could give me some background, who are you what would you like a reader to know about you? How did you end up at St. Mary's?

John: I'm John Willoughby. I grew up in Monterey, went to college in Davis and then settled in that area. While I was growing up, we went to the Episcopal churches in Monterey. When I went off to college, I stopped going to church. We started again about eight years ago, and after a little looking around settled on the Episcopal church in Roseville. When we came back to Pacific Grove, we were just two blocks from St. Mary's and it seemed like a good fit for us.

Sandy: I grew up in Seaside and then lived here in Pacific Grove. John and I started dating 20 years ago; we had gone to school together. We started dating long distance. He was up there. I was here. And then we got married in two thousand and six. I moved to Roseville, but it was too hot for me! I was melting all the time.

I really like the Episcopal Church a lot. I like the history. I like the liturgy, I like all of it. It felt like I found my home.

I always thought it'd be really cool to go to St. Mary's, but when I was younger, I was told, no, it's too much like Catholic Church and you can't go there.

How has the pandemic affected your day-to-day life?

John: Since we moved back here, we both have been telecommuting for work, so that hasn't changed. But all the other hours of the day we choose not to go out at all except for groceries. And recently we've added in that we just need to drive by the water.

We like to work on projects around the house, but we don't feel comfortable going to the big box stores and getting materials or anything, so that's been on hold as well. We are not going out for meals anymore.

Sandy: And we haven't seen our kids since Christmas. It's hard. Usually, Emily, that's my daughter, and other family come here for Thanksgiving, so I'm a little sad.

I was wondering if people had a pattern or if there was a trajectory to your feelings or your experiences during the pandemic from the beginning until now.

John: I'd say initially we thought, we really don't know what this is going to be like, and so there was some fear, maybe, concern, at least, around that. As we've learned more, that has settled down, but we're seeing more and more evidence that people are not going to follow directions.

Sandy: When they first brought the cruise ship [that had an outbreak] people to Asilomar, that was disturbing to me because they’ve got hazmat suits on and they blocked off the street. I thought, “oh, my gosh, those poor people. What's going on?”

And then we thought, how bad is this? Is it in the air, is it going to come here? I went overboard on the “what ifs” sort of things, and I do that. Then we hunkered down and we've been wearing masks all the time anyway.

Sandy: And then I can kind of rope [my anxiety] in a little bit. But I get a little resentful, to be honest with you, because I see people who come here for the weekend or with their families to just get away from wherever they are and they're not wearing masks.

How have you stayed involved with St. Mary's during the pandemic?

John: Just before the pandemic, we had volunteered to help with the Time and Tides newsletter. We thought we could manage doing that and we'll find out a little bit more about what is going on. Fine.

When the church closed and we realized it wasn't going to be just a few days, it was going to be a longer time, I talked with Kristine about the possibility of doing a Zoom service, and so we helped out with that.

Then: “Wouldn't it be nice if we had a bulletin for our services? And wouldn't it be nice to have music with people? And, hey, here's a Web page . . .” and [the role has] grown and grown.

Sandy: We do Instagram and Facebook posts every day. We do YouTube, got a channel where we're posting videos and sermons now and some of the choir stuff is up, and then people submit their videos and we edit the videos and post them.

John: There's a lot with copyright with going online. When we were in the church, anything that happens in the church is fine as long as you don't charge admission. But get outside those walls and you have to make sure you have the licensing to do everything right. And that's eaten up a lot of time.

What has St. Mary's meant to you during the pandemic?

John: For me, it's probably my primary social contact. Also, it is nice to get the messages each week, the sermons and the liturgy. Helps me to put things in focus and get perspective.

Sandy: With the Facebook posts, I do a picture and it's one of our pictures of the coast or the deer or the trees or whatever. Some are local. And then, I don't know the Bible backwards and forwards, I just ask: “OK, what do you want me to post today?” I look for something I can feel is really great. So that's sort of become my little spiritual practice. So it's not like a job. It's like I'm trying to be open to what the Holy Spirit would like me to do and care for myself. I mean, who knows? And then I try to not overanalyze it-- just try to go with it. And that has sort of become my spiritual practice. Morning and night. The things I post in between are informational. But the verse and the pictures are more meaningful.

Nobody knows the answer to this question, but how do you imagine St. Mary's being in the future?

John: I think we're seeing about 60 people on the Zoom meetings, and I think we were closer to 100 when we were meeting in person. So I'm concerned that when we go back in person that we're going to be starting from a smaller base.

I think it will probably be a fairly long period of time where we'll be doing in-person and online. But I imagine it will probably go back to in-person. A lot like it used to be.

I think we've all learned a lot. We've become more technology savvy, so we'll probably use technology more in the future.

But I think people are craving that person-to-person contact and so I see us returning largely to the way we were.

What habits or practices have been the most important to you?

Sandy: We did not get “everybody go home” because we're already home. Our jobs both got busier because he's in a job where he's IT for a college. They had to get everybody online and all that stuff. And so we got crazy busy and we kind of wore ourselves out a little bit.

So a balance, I think.

John: I would say for me, staying calm, making it an effort to stay calm.

Sandy: It's getting back to some sort of a routine, and so we have to be very mindful to, you know, wait a minute. Now, let's go watch the sunset. Let's go for a walk, even if it's just around the block. Just get out.

John: Before the pandemic, we used to love to walk along the shoreline, but with so many people there, we're not comfortable doing that. So we walk in the neighborhoods or the cemetery.

There's been so much uncertainty in the pandemic, so I was wondering how you've coped with that.

John: I'm trying to just control the things I can. Stay indoors, wear a mask when I go out, etc., so I'm just doing my best to do everything I can.

Sandy: This one's harder for me. Because I can work myself into a frenzy really wanting and needing control, and I don't have that right now. So my anxieties are higher. And I can spin out of, you know, a reasonable calm place, a lot easier than John.

I think, how long am I going to not be able to see my daughter and I can get very weepy about it all. Because there’s just not a whole lot to grab on to. We don't know.

Is there anything that helps, you know, when you get worried like that?

Sandy: What is it? “Lord have mercy, God have mercy. Lord have mercy.”

I say that a lot.

I try to ground myself in the moment and think “you don't really have control and you never really did.”

Would you say that, as a result of the pandemic or just during this time, that your relationship with God or spiritual things has changed or not?

Sandy: I used to hear God all the time. I used to pray and he answered and, you know, it wasn't like clear sentences, but I would just know I could hear and I could feel him.

And before all this, he kind of stopped doing that. Really made me mad. So he isn't necessarily back in the way that I'd like him to be back still, I think doing the things for posts and reading, looking for verses and being open, it's a channel. It's just a different wavelength. It’s a way for him to reach me, and I'll take it .

So what about the pandemic or about this time in the pandemic has surprised you the most?

John: I think I'm most surprised by people's lack of cooperation with what they're being asked to do.

Sandy: I've learned a lot more about technical stuff. He's a whiz.

[To John] So you've been teaching me lots of things and we've become quite a little team trying to get all this stuff out every week.

What would you say has been the most difficult thing about the pandemic for you?

John: At first, it was definitely getting the food we wanted to eat. We're trying to be gluten free. We're trying to have lean meat, not a lot of processed foods. And early on, when people were hoarding and supplies were disrupted, it was very difficult to get food.

Now, I'd say for me, it is jumping between seeing the death tolls and the not knowing when it's going to end. And missing contact with people.

Sandy: It's really hard to think about the overwhelm. I don't like overwhelm, so thinking about the hospital not having enough supplies and people being worn out and people

who are doctors, nurses, having to deal with that constantly when it can be avoided to some degree. I know we're only supposed to be slowing it down, and it could be inevitable, we could all get it or something like that. But I want to not let it be overwhelming for people who are in health care. It's hard to think about. You know, if we get overwhelmed here, what would it be like and gosh, what if we got sick or my appendix burst what would that be like, no one can be with you.

Has anything about the pandemic been positive for you?

John: One positive was, when we first did the lockdown, the air quality improved, you could see all the way to Santa Cruz. Pretty cool.

Sandy: It was really nice to have that bit at the front where it was quiet, there wasn't traffic, it was clean, the air felt different, it looked clear and it was like there was a global pause.

Anything else that you'd like to say that you haven't had a chance to say or any other thoughts?

John: I guess that I appreciate the positive things that people are doing. Like at St. Mary's, all the efforts to be able to be online. CSC has just grown tremendously, the brave souls out there doing that work. And I guess I can claim I'm too old now, but it's not something I would have been comfortable with anyway.

Sandy: I miss the church. I know it is just a building, but I do miss it.

We went in to take a picture the other night, it was dark and we turned one light on, but it's kind of hard to be there because I do miss it a lot.

Are you having Thanksgiving with your kids tomorrow?

John: We hinted a couple of times and didn’t get a response.

Sandy: So you want to play games and do some zooming?

Sandy: They have a lot more friends than we do, and there they'll go to the park and sit, you know, 10 feet apart and chat and bring a meal and do that. So I think they're actually probably looking forward to not having to be here for Thanksgiving.

Sandy: Gluten free bread.  I force my bread on them and they're looking forward to having real bread. But we're going to do a turkey and we're going to set the nice China and pretend like everything is, yeah, the way it is and enjoy it.