Interview with Ann Pettit

Interview by Karin Forno with Ann Pettit, March 9, 2021 

What would you like the reader to know about you and how you got involved in St. Mary’s? 

I'm fifty-nine. I'm married to Rick Pettit. I've lived in Pacific Grove since 1986, and we have a dog named Mizzy. I was a teacher for a while.  

I have teaching credentials and a master's degree in curriculum and instruction. But I didn't do that for very long. What I retired from was the grocery business. The Granary market was a natural food store here in Pacific Grove, and I worked there for quite a while as a grocery buyer and then in the office. At first, I was on the checkstands. I've been retired a long time now, though. And I've been at St. Mary’s since about 1994. We came there because our friends, Michael and Sheree Armstrong and their four children, were coming to St. Mary's.  

I was baptized as an adult in the Presbyterian Church here in Monterey, First Presbyterian, by a friend of our family who is a Presbyterian minister from Oregon, who came down to do that for me. I've been in choirs, first at First Presbyterian and then at St. Mary's, continuously since 1988.  

I was going to Monterey First Pres. and I came to St. Mary's because Rick started to go to St. Mary's with our friends, the Armstrongs, and he was impressed by the support St. Mary's, and Christianity in general, was for our friends, because raising four kids was not an easy prospect for them and they were getting material and spiritual sustenance from St. Mary's.  

So Rick kind of wanted to see what that was about and after about a year or so, it seemed silly for him to go to St. Mary's and me to go to First Presbyterian Church, and so that's how I became an Episcopalian.  

It’s taken me a long time to feel like an Episcopalian, but I do now. When I go to the Presbyterian Church on occasion with friends, it feels not as rich.  

There are more sensory aspects to an Episcopal service. And I've become used to them and enjoy them and look forward to them.  I find that the physical positioning of kneeling and standing assists my engagement.  

Also the visual decorations remind me of others who have come before me and who have felt drawn to decorate their spiritual environment. And the physical feeling of warmth of this particular church, it's very comforting. 

How has the pandemic affected everyday life for you? 

The choir is not meeting, and that's four hours a week of my disposable time. As I mentioned, I've been in choirs continuously since nineteen eighty-eight. It's an anchor of the week to go on Thursday nights and then to sing on Sunday mornings.  

So that's different. Many of the social groups that I am involved in transitioned within a month to meeting electronically. Church. The spinning group that I'm in, the knitting group that I'm in, the Weaving Guild meeting, the Small Group Guild meeting, the writing group, the Bible study and all of that stuff transitioned within a month. Those things have persisted uninterrupted, really. So in terms of my schedule, the only thing that's gone from it is the driving time, right? Oh, and the other thing that's gone from it are the plates of cookies. A lot of those groups have eating components, right? And so right away in the first two months, I lost five pounds because I'm not presented with those plates of cookies. Most people gained weight.  

I have been cooking a lot, but when I cook, I have a lifetime of cooking good, healthy food. I come from a real foodie family, so when I'm putting the sugar in, I put in half as much mostly, which is probably why I like those plates of cookies and goodies, because most people put in all the sugar and it tastes fabulous!  

Why did you decide, if you don't mind me asking this question, not to participate in the virtual choir?  

Getting the video platform together. I was kind of over the top trying to figure that out, even if I had an obligation to others who were depending on me. So I just didn't feel like I could. I couldn’t deal with the with the learning curve of the microphones and cameras. I don't basically know anything about sound stuff, and I didn't have equipment when we started in the pandemic. I didn't have an adequate camera on my desktop. So I had a lot of getting up to speed to do in other areas. And I just didn't feel like I could do it. I didn't have the bandwidth in my brain. And after that sort of settled down. I realized that it's not really performing in a church choir that I like, and I don't like the sound of my voice all by itself.  

I've been in a lot of performing groups and it took me a long time to realize how much I dislike performing. I seriously dislike performing and it took me a long time to realize that and then to accept that, to admit it to myself.  

Not doing the virtual choir has been a complete and total absence of performing. Which I've enjoyed. 

One thing I'm asking people is if they noticed patterns or an ebb and flow to their feelings or experiences over the course of the pandemic. 

I have a complete news blackout. So things filter down to me slowly and the pandemic started to filter down until I realized I need to clearly read about it.  

So I did that and as soon as I read about it, I developed the expectation, almost a certainty, that I was going to be sheltering in place for about 18 months. So I did not have this feeling that so many people did, oh, well, we'll do this for six weeks or two months and we'll be fine. 

 I've read kind of a lot about pandemics. So my expectation was that I was going to stay inside until there was a vaccine and that it would take at least a year more, and probably more like 18 months, maybe even two years. So I did not have that hopeful period at the beginning.  

I did, however, at the beginning, have an energy about the whole thing that was quiet, it was really quite positive in its effect on me and a positive feeling. Because although it was anxious, it gave me energy to do things, to do a lot of stuff that I thought at the time was helpful.  

It also kept me from sleeping well. The first six weeks or two months, I didn't sleep well at all because my “idle” was just turned up by the whole experience, by how odd it was, by how many things were changing. And early on it was really unclear. The transmission vectors--there was so much that was unknown, and that unknowing created a heightened sense of awareness and vigilance. In that early period, there was an awful lot of washing. There was a lot of washing of hands and surfaces and clothes and there was a lot of cleaning, so that was different. One of the things that happened during that stage was a concern for people, marginal people that I know that I was concerned would get sick, particularly to my two old ladies, Judy [Moffett] and Virginia Davis.  

But also, you know us, Rick, my brother, who is 73, and our friends down the street Jan and Brian. Most of my social group is 65 or older.  

So I was worried about people. I wrote a lot of letters to people. 

I called people a lot.  

Then, as the new situation sort of settled itself down and the social contexts resumed on electronic platforms things started to seem a little more normal. And the urgency dropped out. I went back to my normal sleep patterns.  

There's still a lot of cleaning every night since this started. I wipe down all the handles and the cell phones and the knobs and stuff at the end of every day, and there's still a lot of hand washing. I still wear my clothes once and wash them, which I didn't used to do. I used to wear them more, so there’s twice as much laundry. But the urgency kind of dropped out. I enjoy our home. It's easy to go out and get exercise.  

So the next stage would be the fire stage. We were not only sheltering in place, but the air was so bad we were not going out, right? I was fortunate enough to see all that smoke coming and get one of the last six air purifiers at Home Depot. So we had good indoor air quality, but not being able to go out and exercise outside was a challenge. 

Till about two months ago. And then I started to just be low spirited. 

So I had to start working to take my mind off the situation altogether now. The news blackout made the whole election thing just not on my radar. I have a news blackout because I cannot endure the conflict. I come from a family that was extremely divisive politically and my self-defense mechanism is just not to go there.  

I also do not follow the tally of deaths. And so the negative impact on people of the accumulating mortality has not affected me. 

I was so relieved when Judy [Moffett] got her two shots and Rick got his first one and I had no idea how relieved I was going to feel when that happened, but I was ready to get out the champagne and host a party. I didn't realize how much underlying concern was lifted by the shots. 

I spend a fair amount of time thinking, “What do I want my life to be like after I get my vaccinations?” And I don't want to go back to the level of busy-ness I had before.  

I worry that I won't have the self-discipline to keep that from happening. 

So have you stayed involved with St. Mary's since the pandemic started? Since shelter in place started? 

I've continued to attend Sunday services every week, pretty much. At first. I went to the National Cathedral, which was lots of fun. It's such a great building and they get great preachers, and the music is wonderful--it's just a wonderful experience.  

When St. Mary’s came online, which only took a couple of weeks, I came back, even though the experience is not as fancy, it is my home, right? So I've continued to attend. Normally, I am a chalice bearer. I'm also a lector, so I've been lectoring some and I've been calling people, not in any organized way, but just when I think about them, I call them up.  

The Bible study has been very interesting. We started last Lent and our group just decided to continue. And it's led by Eugene Loh and his style of leading, it is just as interesting as most of the other ways he does things. You know, it's brainiac and straight forward and considered.  

 I have been continuing to do Leslie Garden stuff. Because people keep dying. We haven't really had a covid death, as far as I know. But we're stacking up the funerals that need to happen after we can gather.  

For so long, I was assistant treasurer and it took them a long time to find a new treasurer.  

So I've been doing some sort of consulting on how it used to go. 

The spiritual writing group has seemed to me to be perfectly good on zoom, in some ways, better. So that has been ongoing, like usual, so that's been fun. It was fun before and it continues to be fun.  

What would you say St. Mary's has meant to you during this time?  

It's a connection with other people. I very much need the weekly reorientation that attending service provides. A spiritual reorientation and moral reorientation. So that has continued to be provided.  

Do you think the pandemic will change us permanently?  

I doubt that passing the peace is ever going to be the same--it certainly will never be unconsidered. 

I doubt taking communion will ever be quite the same. I imagine that we're not going to share the chalice in the same way. 

In person choir, I don't know, choirs have always been flu factories. Every year the choir is a flu factory. And so maybe, I don't know, maybe there'll be a season. We don't have choir in the winter or something. 

I think things will be different for a long time. And I think even after we start getting back together, even after most people are vaccinated, the mask wearing will affect us. I think this will shrink the congregation substantially in terms of how many people are in the pews on Sunday.  

I think it will be down to 50. 

What habits or practices, spiritual or otherwise, have been the most important for you? During the pandemic or generally?  

Well, last Lent, Kristine did  a personal spiritual practices group for a while and I did that and I downloaded a program that she recommended called Reimagining the Examen, it's about the St. Ignatius end of the day, self-examination. I continue to use that sometimes. 

My prayer life has changed as a result of that.  I'm a little better at listening in prayer than I used to be because I've been practicing a little bit. And that's been very fruitful.  

How have you dealt with the uncertainty? Have you felt more certainty maybe than other people because you kind of decided it was going to be 18 months of shelter in place? Or have you had just as much uncertainty as most of us? And how have you dealt with whatever uncertainty you've had?  

The uncertainty in the beginning about the transmission paths was significant for me; it was probably my most difficult period not knowing how to protect myself effectively. 

Once I felt that that was a little better understood my anxiety level went down and it's really only started to go up again now as I look ahead to managing the reentry.  

I mean, I feel it coming and I'm anxious about it, but it isn't here yet because Rick's only had his first dose and I won't get my vaccinations for I don't know when because I'm not 65 and I have no underlying conditions that allow me. And I live in a fairly safe zip code. And so it's going to be forever to get it. And so I don't personally have to deal with where am I going to go, how many people am I going to meet with? You know, what am I going to do? Except in theory at this point, but I am anxious about that.  

Would you say your relationship with God or spiritual things has changed during the pandemic?  

I think it has, partly from calming down and not being as distracted by activities, partly from the Bible study. Partly from the spiritual variety. Partly from Kristine's leadership. All of those things combined to make me pay attention in my relationship with God and so that naturally changes things.  

What would you like to be doing that you're not doing now?  

I’d like to be hugging people. Particularly, Judy.  

Visiting Judy, that's the big one, because even now that they've opened up at Forest Hill, enough that I could go and meet her with the plexiglass barrier, in the special sanitized visiting booths, she can't make it there because she's in bed. She's too frail to do that. So, you know, I'd be going every day to see her.  

What about this whole time has surprised you the most, either in a good way or bad way?  

Rick is a very strong personality. Because we've been married for almost 40 years--thirty seven years or something, when all this started, I wondered a little bit how we were going to get along.  

It's been great. Rick had some health issues during this time, which were very worrisome and some serious surgeries.  

We made it through all that, strong, with a greater appreciation for each other. It didn't really surprise me, but I wondered about it.  

We discovered all the equestrian trails in Pebble Beach, and that's been wonderful. They were perfect for this time because of their wide road width; if you encounter somebody, you can stay six feet apart.  And there's tons of them and they go through beautiful forest. So we have really, really enjoyed that. That was a surprise.  

Another thing that's surprising is usually we play music every week with some friends, play recorders and stuff. And of course, we haven't been doing that and I have had no interest in playing the recorder. I have not picked it up for all this time. I don't know why.  

What's been the most difficult thing about the pandemic for you, if you could name something?  

I would say the isolation of people that I love who are alone and Judy, my brother, you know, various friends, you, Cleda, that’s an irritant and a sorrow. Because there isn't anything I can do and I don't like it. 

I think especially for people like Judy, you don't know how much time they've got.  

Well, and my friend who lost her husband. They both got Covid and her husband died and, you know, she sent him off in the ambulance and that's the last time she saw him.  

Has anything about the pandemic been positive for you?  

When I was caregiving for my mom and I was assistant treasurer and there was a lot of stuff going on. I used to fantasize about being instructed not to leave the house--that was one of my fantasies. So, you know, the full break between doing all kinds of stuff all the time and not leaving the house has been delightful.  

Anything else you'd like to say about the pandemic, St Mary's yourself?  

I'm really looking forward to being in our building. It's a sacred space.