Interview with Kozue Knowles
Interview by Karin Forno with Kozue Knowles, January 26, 2021
Can you give us some background about yourself and your involvement in St. Mary’s?
Yes, I was born as third in line among four kids and was raised during the war in Yokohama, Japan, and it was a Christian family that goes back to four generations ago which was around 1840s. My great grandfather of Samurai lineage was the first Christian in my family tree. When he became of age at 13 he was given an education as Samurai which included learning navigation and Dutch (his second language and English his third language) to work on a feudal lord’s boat to watch over the coast along the northern part of Japan just like the Coast Guard when ships from America, England and Russia were spotted. He had lot of opportunities to meet foreigners on ship but among them, he was always well impressed by Americans who were more honest and sincere than the people from other countries, which made him think “why?”. One day he asked one of the American captains why they were honest and sincere. The answer from the captain was “Because we have faith in Christianity.” He had no idea what Christianity was. He became interested in this religion and got a Bible and started to read it in secret which was banned then in Japan where religion was predominantly Buddhism and Shintoism. But after the Meiji Restoration, freedom of faith was bestowed upon the people and he could expressly tell his faith in Christianity. And he became a Christian and eventually a priest and helped found a couple of mission schools in Tokyo and Kyushu. The one in Tokyo is a precursor of the Aoyama Gakuin college. He was an icebreaker in my family tree as a Christian. His seven children were sent to the mission schools in Japan, and so were my relatives, whether it be boys or girls; they could speak English simply because all school curriculums were taught in English by American teachers/missionaries. My paternal grandfather went to the Divinity school of Harvard University in 1900 and studied homiletics there since there was no seminary in Japan in which he could study. So there were two priests in my family tree for whom I have a great respect.
My sister and I were sent to the Baptist mission school in Yokohama founded by American missionary ladies. In those days, in my formative years, girls didn't go to higher education, they just had a 6-year high school education. That was thought to have been enough for girls then. But my older brother was allowed to go to a private university for higher education and for better job opportunities. I was not treated like him since I was a girl. But I have had a great love for language from my childhood. I don't know why, but my maternal grandfather could understand French besides English. So as a child, I was exposed to the sound of French and I became so interested in it. I wanted to go to university and study French. But I didn't successfully pass the entrance examination to the national university. If it were a private university, I could have gone but my family couldn’t afford to send me there. If I were a boy, the situation would have been different. Consequently, I just studied on my own. I still have been reading and writing French for the past 65 years or so. It’s a kind of hobby to me and a kind of personal enrichment. After French class at Monterey Peninsula Community College or at Carmel Foundation, I have been enjoying a French class at Mr. Blondeau’s who is one of the parishioners of our church.
As I have mentioned above, I was 18 years old when I failed the entrance exam. to the national university, I gave up and I was at home helping my mother. But it was not a good feeling for a young girl to be at home doing nothing but just living with my mother during the daytime, totally depending on my parents, which was easy but at the same time it was boring. My father was a businessman for a minor enterprise, but I didn’t want to be his dependent. I started to work. I got a job at a publishing house in Tokyo. That was my first job at the age of 18. But talking about work, I'm not a very patient person. If I don't like something, if something is not agreeable with me, I quit a job at once. Every time I got a business interview, I had to bring my résumé. It took such a long time for me to write because I had changed a total of six different companies.
It was very unusual for a woman to change companies that often. But I was going from one good job to a better one, but not the best one. The best one was the company I last worked at for 17 years. That was the joint venture petrochemical business of Union Carbide and Mitsubishi Rayon to produce high- or low-density polyethylene. I was working there as an executive secretary. I enjoyed my work so much. Of course, it was a must to be able to do English typewriting. I took a night class to master stenography, which is almost a lost art at present. Now we have lots of Internet or electronic devices and you don't have to take dictation. The last 10 years of my career were the happiest. One day a chemical engineer, Carlton G. Knowles, representing the interests of the Union Carbide, came to my company. He became my boss. Eventually, the secretary married her boss. The role reversal took place and I became his boss at home in 1982! My parents were so happy to see their divorced daughter married again.
My husband was in Japan working as vice president of this joint venture company for ten years, 1975 through 1985. Since he was an American, he had his home built in Pebble Beach over a long distance while in Tokyo. When he retired in 1985, he returned to U.S. and I followed him. Since the house in Pebble Beach was rented, we had to wait 9 more months till the renter vacated the house. After a retirement in Tokyo, in January of 1986, we chartered a yacht cruising the Caribbean Sea and enjoyed island hopping in the British, American and Dutch Virgin Islands for a month when he was the captain and I was his first mate. That was the most enjoyable and memorable sailing in my life. But that was the time when we knew the terrible news of space ship “Challenger” exploded in midair when it was launched in late January, 1986.
When we came back to Pebble Beach in late 1986 after spending several months in St. Simons Island in Georgia, the first thing we had to do was to find a church. Back in Tokyo, we went to an Episcopal Church near the Tokyo Tower, St. Alban’s Church, where the service was run in English. In the same premises, there's another church which was St. Andrew’s where the service was run in Japanese. What a coincidence that St. Andrew’s happened to be the church where my maternal grandparents had attended in the 1930s! Then, in 1986, after spending 9 months in St. Simons Island in Georgia, we came back to Pebble Beach and the first thing was to find a church. We had no idea where the Episcopal churches were. Looking in the telephone directory, we found St. Mary's and went there. That was our first Sunday in October, 1986. At that time the priest was Dwight Edwards. After the service, the church secretary, who was an elderly lady, Helen Reames, approached and invited us to join for coffee hour. That was the first time we were at the coffee hour and everybody was so cordial, nice and welcoming. On the spot, we decided to choose this church so we didn't have to do any church shopping. Ever since then, we had a membership with St. Mary's and my late husband served as a junior warden of the vestry. I didn't pay much attention to what the vestry was but eventually I became a part of them in 2008.
After the Rev. Edwards, there was the Rev. Richard Leslie and then we had a lady priest, Kristine Johnson. I'm so glad that we had Kristine. It was worthwhile to wait for such an extraordinary person as our priest.
When we moved here, we had so many things to get rid of. I brought lots of unnecessary things to St. Mary’s thrift shop in 1986. In Japan, we don't have places like thrift shops. I was so fascinated. I soon became a member of the thrift shop in early 1987 to help. There were so many nice volunteers I worked with like the late Elsie Kohler, Ann Priem, and Dorothy McDonald to name a few. I felt sorry we had to close down the business about 7 years ago due to the lack of volunteers.
My husband passed away in 2006. The following year, one of my relatives in Japan visited me who was six years my junior. We went to the same mission school in Yokohama and I took her to the church on Sunday. There was an announcement “This next Saturday there will be an I-HELP dinner. Would you please join us to help?” I said to her “Are you interested in helping?” She said “Yes”. So following Saturday, we went to the I-HELP dinner for the first time and enjoyed the dinner together. That was my first experience with I-HELP. I learned that homeless men were not dangerous people. On the contrary, they were nice and kind gentlemen. I regret that I ignored the call to help for the past many years. My husband and I, for nearly 10 years, kept on ignoring the announcement simply because of our misunderstanding and ignorance toward homeless people. After my relative’s visit and her “Yes” gave me the push to go forward. So ever since 2007, I have been involved in the I-HELP program spearheaded by Don Fennell which is a wonderful program and is worthwhile to do. I often fix fried wonton with shrimp and green onions which our “friends” seem to enjoy so much. I was told that they call me Wonton Lady and our church Wonton Church!
Nearly 10 years ago, at home I wanted to hang a beautiful antique scroll of painting to the wall and it was Saturday night when I got on a chair and drove the nail into the wall and the following day I stood on the chair to hang the scroll. I don’t know why but lost my balance and fell. To protect my head, I instinctively stretched my arm with a hand on side of my head, but all impact from the floor went to my wrist. I fractured my right wrist, and I had to undergo surgery. I was treated as an outpatient at CHOMP. Father Leslie was kind to visit the hospital where I was to have the surgery. Before the procedure, he prayed for me. That was so comforting. As a result, the surgery to embed a piece of titanium went well and I came back home being driven by my friend. I couldn't work in the kitchen for nearly two months and I had to take a leave from helping “my friends” on Saturday at church. They prayed for me for my speedy recovery. Thanks to their prayer, after three months I started to resume my service to them.
On a day-to-day basis how has the pandemic affected your life?
Some people have been so depressed, but in my case, I have been all by myself ever since departure of my husband in 2006. I got accustomed to it. Sometimes loneliness and being solitary are different things. I love solitude because I can do whatever I would like to do on my own time schedule. This pandemic drove everything into a kind of alienation because there was no interaction with friends or get-togethers, going to the movies, restaurants, playing golf - no such activities could happen which we used to enjoy. They were all cut off. People must be so devastated. But to me, it's just a continuation from what I have been doing ever since 2006. Sometime in the future, I may depart this life and join him up there, and he might say “Why did it take such a long time?!
Some people, especially children, must be so upset because they can’t go to school and get together with their friends to chat, play and have fun. However, it doesn't have any negative impact on me fortunately.
To me, it has reinforced the idea of not wasting food, a sustainable way of living. You like to use up food to the very end. So I became more careful not to waste anything, even stingy, in response to cope with this situation.
Another way the pandemic affected my life is, my late husband had a terrible allergy to cat’s hair or dander. For the past 20 years after we came to the U.S., I couldn't have cats. He liked cats, but he couldn't put up with all headaches, red teary eyes and terrible allergies. So when the new year started in 2007, I adopted an adorable 3-year old cat from AFRP and I named her Hana. Hana means flower in Japanese. Before that she was called Fiona. That also means flower. Since she came to my Japanese home, I renamed her Hana. She kept me entertained for 12 years before she went to the Rainbow Bridge.
Later I got Sammy, a cute little 5-month old orange tabby from AFRP. He was registered as a cat who was named Piglet by the rescue organization because he was born in a pigsty in the southern part of Monterey County. But, I renamed him to Sammy. Sammy is from the Old Testament, Samuel. Yes, his former name was Piglet, from Winnie the Pooh, but I much prefer Sammy.
How have you stayed involved with Saint Mary's during the pandemic?
This is a very special, very strange situation we have never experienced before. But thanks to modern technology through Zoom we can communicate now, we are doing that for every Sunday service. It has been run successfully and we are living in a great age of electronics or AI. We are so lucky we can take advantage of that wonderful technology. But at the same time, we should be mindful of those who don't use the Internet. We should be mindful of those people who are kind of a little bit left behind or forgotten. Only Internet-savvy people can take advantage of it and get together through Zoom. That is a part of my concerns.
Everybody is in the same situation, no social gatherings, no get-togethers in person and it's a very strange world and we have to practice social distancing and we have to wear a mask. There's a long dark tunnel, but there must be a light at the end of the it and this must be coming closer by degrees and becoming lighter and bigger. And one day, there will be totally light days when we don't have to worry about anything about the pandemic. I hope this will come, but we will never know when.
I’m a part of the vestry and it has been a great opportunity to get to know how the church would be run. This pandemic is an occasion to connect people better, because before that, we used to have 8 o’clock and 10 o’clock services and there were totally different sets of people, but this pandemic united all of them together on Zoom which was beneficial to us. And we have the coffee hour so we can communicate with a lot of people. I have gotten to know lots of people from the 10 o’clock service. My husband and I used to attend the 8:00 o'clock service so that we could play golf soon after the service in the morning. The pandemic has had a lot of bad effects, but at the same time, the silver lining is connecting people closer than before.
Do you think the pandemic is going to change St. Mary's in the future?
Once the pandemic is totally terminated, we are coming back to church. In person, we can do all sorts of things, but I think this pandemic strengthened the ties between the church and parishioners because they couldn't come to church in person, but they wanted to be connected to church. The only way is through Zoom. So that's a wonderful thing. We have the weekly notice from church that keeps us informed on what is going on.
The first time when I heard about re-entry, I was thinking of the space shuttle coming back into the earth from the orbit, that kind of re-entry where the NASA was deeply involved and Kristine was part of the NASA’s re-entry. Sounds like the re-entry of the shuttle into the Earth. That kind of view I have for the future, we will have the re-entry into the normal phase. And after the pandemic, people will become closer to each other through this bad experience.
What habits or practices that you do regularly have been the most important to you, either spiritual or just everyday habits?
It's interesting that I was born and raised in a Christian family. And my paternal grandmother, who I still remember as a kid, would get together for breakfast, lunch or dinner. She was always praying silently before each meal. None of us was praying, but she was the only one who did and I now do the same thing; that was an influence from my grandmother. I silently say grace, because I'm all by myself. I pray for all the people I can imagine. That must have been an influence from my grandmother. I'm not necessarily a devout person, but I still think I'm being loved by God. God takes care of me. I don't know how many times I've been kept from being exposed to danger. God is always protecting me, which I'm so grateful for.
How have you dealt with the uncertainty that we've been facing in the pandemic?
Because there's no such thing like a panacea, there's no cure, nobody has invented anything, we have to just be patient and persevere. Talking about perseverance, this year 2021, is the year of the Ox. The Ox represents perseverance, patience, and also they ruminate. It’s very fitting for this year that we should persevere and be patient under the yoke of life. We live without grumbling. We live through this era, being patient and persevering and looking for better things to come after this terrible Covid-19 pandemic. That's the only way we can cope with this situation where everybody is in the same boat.
What would you most like to do that you're not able to do right now or that you're not doing right now?
Well, let's see: if it had not been for this Covid-19 pandemic, I have some activities, mostly something fun to do together for lunch or go to the concert. I was a member of the Monterey County Symphony. So every month there's a great concert at Sunset Center, which has been totally suspended. No cultural activities. But the moment I wake up in the morning, I tune into the radio, the station for classical music, which is so soothing and relaxing.
So right now, there are no social activities. I used to play golf once a month, with the senior Women's Golf Association and every Friday with the Women's Golf Association at my country club. That was a good source of exercise that I can't do. And though some ladies get together to play golf, I have to be very careful for fear of Covid. Instead, every other day I take a 90-minute walk. It's about a 3 and a half-mile walk which I enjoy.
What about this time has surprised you the most?
I think my impression about people in general. They have become more kind to each other under this situation because they're looking for the interaction with people which they have been denied.
What's been the most difficult thing about the pandemic for you?
I really miss going to Japan and seeing my siblings and friends. I have two brothers and a sister. They all live in Yokohama. But my sister, who is the oldest doesn’t do any Internet at all. I have to give her a telephone call. That's the only way I can get in touch with her. My older brother has internet so I can text him.
My older sister has no relationship with her younger brother. She's not much interested in her younger brother. My older brother and his wife are almost like his parents. They are responsible for him. Whenever something happens, the group home personnel gets in touch with my brother. But when my parents were alive, they had no idea what to do with him. It was a kind of shame that their son was born mentally handicapped.
Anything else you can think of that's been positive out of this situation?
It’s very important to be positive always and never, ever have negative thoughts. Always be positive. Being flexible and resilient is another important thing to live through this age. Positive thinking, resiliency and flexibility. These three things are very important.